Archive for the 'Gallery of Regrettable Underwear' category

Regrettably Clever

Sometimes it is hard to appreciate the true genius, the creative spirit of lingerie designers. I’m sure you will have to agree that the designers of the following products deserve some sort of award. I think I’ll leave it to you, dear readers, to decide just what sort of award that should be.

The Sportbra, 2 screens, no waiting!When you’re tired of being a “Football Widow”, you might want to invest in the Sportsbra. It boasts all the best buzzwords: wireless, digital, and rechargeable. The screens are small enough that he’ll have to get really close to “catch all the action.”

The Swan Bra
While I must admit there is nothing of the “Ugly Duckling” about this ensemble, I just think your popularity might take a “swan dive”, if you were “feather-headed” enough to wear this one in pubic.

The C-String

The G string has nothing on the C string! No “whale tail”, no unsightly straps at all! How does it stay there? Well, I am just sure there is some physics-defying secret, because the alternative that comes to mind just makes me shudder.

The Backless Brief
As “hip huggers” gave way to “low rise”, so “bikini” must now give way to the “Backless Brief”! Although my undies won’t show when I bend over, I just can’t get over that sick feeling that my panties are slip-sliding away!

Vibrating Panty with Remote Control
What disturbs me most about these “Vibrating Panties” is the thought that i might be sitting at some important social function, like my niece’s graduation, or the installation of officers at the local Women of the Moose, or delivering a particularly moving address to the Red Hat ladies, when some fool with a universal remote just sets me off. * Shudders *

Anti-Flatulence UndergarmentThese might actually be quite a boon to mankind. It’s Anti-Flatulence pants! Finally, an undergarment that traps gastrointestinal emmissions in a special pocket, and passes them through a replaceable filter before releasing them, freshly scented, into the atmosphere. Personally, I believe that the marketing department fell down on the job when they rejected the name “Toot Sweet”!!!

300 Condoms
You will certainly be impressed to know that this lovely, ruffly lingerie set is made from 300 condoms, and rightly so. Or you would have been impressed until I show you this….1000 Condoms

This stunning evening gown is made of 1000 condoms.

Yes, gentle readers, the ingenuity and resourcefulness of the inventor, and the craftsmanship and creativity of the artist are all obvious in this weeks selection of Regrettable Undies. And, as long as these inventors and artisans keep at it, we will never run out of material for this Gallery!

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Trashy Lingerie…Literally

Bustier from cans

Obviously we here at Trashy Lingerie are fans of the really trashy stuff. I may have found some lingerie pieces that take this notion just a little bit too seriously, however.
Panties from cans

Boston artist Ingrid Goldbloom Bloch has designed an entire line of lingerie from, well—trash. Recycled aluminum cans to be exact. These aluminum cans, along with a few dryer vents, rivets and other common hardware items have been fashioned into some very interesting lingerie pieces.

bra

“I see the beauty in common objects and hope that others will too. I use everyday items like steel nuts, washers, vinyl plumbing tubing, clamps and Coke cans and transform them into something entirely different from their intended purpose,” noted Ingrid.

Aluminum can garter belt

Yes, this lingerie is eco-friendly. I think you can pretty much forget about comfort here though, and for heaven’s sake don’t try to hide these panty lines. If you are just looking for something that absolutely screams “notice me!” then this might be just the lingerie look you are looking for. Enjoy! Xo J.

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The Science of Wrong

In my ongoing effort to inform and protect my readers from lingerie lunacy, it’s time, once again, for new additions to the Gallery of Regrettable Underwear. I’m calling this month’s edition “Geek Gear”. I think you’ll find it proves that, if science is involved in lingerie design, it should be kept quiet.

Glow in the Dark Lingerie

This is really a lovely baby doll. I like the design. The phosphorescent filaments that have been woven into the fabric, however, do give me pause. Do you see where the model is standing in the first picture? Yes…to charge up the “glow in the dark” effect of this little number, you need sunlight. That means either running your errands in your undies, or standing in your picture window in full sunlight. I’m just not that fond of my neighbors. Neither of those options are on my to-do list.

Headlights

Perfect for spelunking or coal mining, this bra really needs no explanation. Just a promise that, if you wear it, I will laugh at you. Not with you. At you.

"Find Me if You Can"

Now, this is more like it. It’s pretty. It’s sexy. It’s…what’s that? It has a GPS device sewn into it? Yes. This one is called the “Find Me If You Can” lingerie. The Australian designer thought to add a little hide and seek sort of fun to romance, however, critics are calling it a modern day chastity belt, since the partner can track the wearer wherever she goes. Good news, though, ladies. The GPS unit is wearer controlled.

Posture Shirt

I can’t leave the men out this month, so here is Posture Underwear for the Gentleman. Equipped with sensors and pistons, the shirt senses when the shoulders slump, and sends out a series of impulses, causing the pistons to provide a reminder of proper alignment of the spine and back. It doesn’t take a drooling dog to figure out that, at least in this shirt, maintaining good posture is less painful than slouching.

The Horny BraThis is a bra that doesn’t look like it’s unusual or uncomfortable to wear. You know, of course, I wouldn’t have added it to the Gallery if it didn’t have some unique characteristic. And it does. Introducing, the Horny Bra. Sensors in the bra can tell when your temperature elevates when you see a really hot guy. It attempts to help you attract that guy by inflating the bra one full cup size. Now if I can find the panties that use the same sensors to deflate your butt size, I think I’m ready to hit the clubs!

Sad Undies

I leave you this month with one to contemplate. What makes the little goth girl’s underwear so sad? Could it be the chorus of hot guys exclaiming “NO FREAKING WAY!”

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