Archive for the 'Are You Kidding Me?' category

C’mon Boys…Settle Down…

Sep 15 2010 Published by under Are You Kidding Me?, Celebrity Lingerie, News & Noteworthy, Sports Related

Inez Sainz

It’s all over the news. A very beautiful Mexican sports reporter (Ines Sainz) recently went into the New York Jet’s locker room and had a bad experience with boys being…well, boys. Apparently when this woman (voted sexiest female sports reporter by a men’s magazine) had a few balls thrown in her direction by some players, and also received some cat calls. (Uh…sounds like most every girls experience in second or third grade right?)

Now I am not here to condone or disapprove of the Jet’s apparent behavior toward this sports reporter, but let’s keep a few things in mind. First of all the woman is absolutely stunning. Sports reporter or not, she’s going to get noticed by the male species and I am certain that (after perusing her website) she is fully aware of how to use her looks to their fullest advantage.

Secondly, she was in a men’s locker room. I wasn’t there, but I am certain that if you get that much testosterone and men in various stages of undress in a room and then toss a beautiful sexy woman into the mix, well that’s creating an environment that is ripe for chaos. It would be lovely if we had a kinder, gentler bunch of very sweet, gentile NFL boys who knew enough to be chivalrous and respectful. I can also wish that pigs could fly…it just seems a bit unrealistic. Ines Sainz entered the inner sanctum of the ultimate man cave and then expected the men to stop being…well, men. If I hear “sexual harassment” one more time in regard to this interview she tried to conduct I am going to scream. She had to know what she was getting into. It doesn’t make it right, but it is what it is.

Now for the part of this story that I really want to get at because this is what everyone really wants to know. Everywhere I turn men aren’t hearing much about her “uncomfortable environment” or the “environment that is very rude for a woman” or how she just didn’t know where to “look.” Nope. What I have been hearing in my circle of friends (both male and female) is “did you see that woman’s ass?” It wasn’t until I saw the derriere of “poor Inez” that I fully understood the new found surge in popularity of Booty Pop (and numerous other brands) of padded underwear. This photograph of Ines was a definite light bulb moment for this lingerie lover. I will admit, until today I really didn’t get why anyone would ever want to pad their ass. Now it’s crystal clear to me. Inez claims that she dressed in “just jeans” and a blouse to do her interview and seemed confused at why anyone would think she was being too sexy to be taken seriously as a sports reporter. Just jeans? Pluuuuuease, dear Inez, you have to be kidding me! xo J.

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The Science of Wrong

Aug 04 2010 Published by under Are You Kidding Me?, Gallery of Regrettable Underwear

In my ongoing effort to inform and protect my readers from lingerie lunacy, it’s time, once again, for new additions to the Gallery of Regrettable Underwear. I’m calling this month’s edition “Geek Gear”. I think you’ll find it proves that, if science is involved in lingerie design, it should be kept quiet.

Glow in the Dark Lingerie

This is really a lovely baby doll. I like the design. The phosphorescent filaments that have been woven into the fabric, however, do give me pause. Do you see where the model is standing in the first picture? Yes…to charge up the “glow in the dark” effect of this little number, you need sunlight. That means either running your errands in your undies, or standing in your picture window in full sunlight. I’m just not that fond of my neighbors. Neither of those options are on my to-do list.

Headlights

Perfect for spelunking or coal mining, this bra really needs no explanation. Just a promise that, if you wear it, I will laugh at you. Not with you. At you.

"Find Me if You Can"

Now, this is more like it. It’s pretty. It’s sexy. It’s…what’s that? It has a GPS device sewn into it? Yes. This one is called the “Find Me If You Can” lingerie. The Australian designer thought to add a little hide and seek sort of fun to romance, however, critics are calling it a modern day chastity belt, since the partner can track the wearer wherever she goes. Good news, though, ladies. The GPS unit is wearer controlled.

Posture Shirt

I can’t leave the men out this month, so here is Posture Underwear for the Gentleman. Equipped with sensors and pistons, the shirt senses when the shoulders slump, and sends out a series of impulses, causing the pistons to provide a reminder of proper alignment of the spine and back. It doesn’t take a drooling dog to figure out that, at least in this shirt, maintaining good posture is less painful than slouching.

The Horny BraThis is a bra that doesn’t look like it’s unusual or uncomfortable to wear. You know, of course, I wouldn’t have added it to the Gallery if it didn’t have some unique characteristic. And it does. Introducing, the Horny Bra. Sensors in the bra can tell when your temperature elevates when you see a really hot guy. It attempts to help you attract that guy by inflating the bra one full cup size. Now if I can find the panties that use the same sensors to deflate your butt size, I think I’m ready to hit the clubs!

Sad Undies

I leave you this month with one to contemplate. What makes the little goth girl’s underwear so sad? Could it be the chorus of hot guys exclaiming “NO FREAKING WAY!”

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Dumped

Mar 25 2010 Published by under Are You Kidding Me?, Dating & Relationships, Stories & Tips

Feeling patheticIt’s been a few weeks since I have reported in on my adventures in Internet dating.  The truth is, I met someone that I thought was postitively wonderful.  He seemed so perfect and I thought that if I wrote about him it might jinx the sweet beauty of this new relationship. I am writing about him now, however in hopes that someone can learn from my experience or at least commiserate.

Mike was attentive and interesting.  He took a very strong interest in me, and better still, an interest in my kids.  (He didn’t meet them, but just asked a lot about them and their lives when we were together.)  Mike was handsome, funny, athletic and driven.  I was really falling for this guy.  I know he probably knew how I felt, but I tried to be cool.  It’s so easy to read good ol’ Jenna, though and I’m sure he was pretty confident that I was falling for him.  (I was.)

As the days turned into weeks, I could tell it was time for the inevitable.  Mike and I planned our first weekend away and our first “over-nighter.”  This was big for me because sex is completely interlinked to my heart, and I don’t consider it a small deal to sleep with a man.  I felt such a connection to Mike though and it seemed like the obvious next step to take.  I was so excited!  We booked a room at a resort nearby and planned our trip.  Everything seemed so perfect.

The location was pristine.  The weather cooperated and we had warm, balmy and beach-y nights.  We walked hand in hand along the beach and kissed passionately.  I knew that I was falling in love with Mike.  It felt so good and so right.  We had a wonderful dinner at sunset with a view overlooking the ocean.  When we went back the room we sat out on the balcony and drank some wine together and talked about our kids, our lives, the connection that we were making.  Everything was really, really wonderful, or so I thought.

Obviously we spent the night together and let me just say for the record, Mike was an amazing, attentive lover.  I will leave it at that out of respect for his privacy.  It was a very happy night for me, and I thought it was for him as well.  I was certain that Mike and I were falling in love and that we had much to look forward to.  I was blissfully happy, and assumed he was too.  He certainly acted like it.

The next morning, although Mike was still very kind and sweet he seemed distracted.  We had slept in (because we were up most of the night!) and were rushed trying to eat a quick breakfast and check out by noon.  I sensed there was something different, but wasn’t sure what it was.  We went about the morning, checked out of the room and he gave me a big hug and a lingering kiss good-bye.  I assumed everything was fine.  But it wasn’t.

This is where the situation gets tricky because I honestly have no idea what went wrong, or where it happened.  I am pretty sure that “Mike” would rather cut off his arm than tell me what the real problem is.  It’s hard for me to accept that after a night of passion as great as ours was that things would end this way, but apparently something was off-kilter.  Mike has not only not called (which prior to this he did at least once, if not twice a day) but when I did the ultimate stupid thing and called him, he texted me back and said he was tired and would talk to me “tomorrow.”  Whoa.  This is looking very grim.  Jenna get a grip…and breathe.

My guy friend thinks it may be the classic case of “conquest over…fun over.”  I didn’t realize that grown up men did this as I thought in my naivete that this behavior ended somewhere after college.  Apparently not.  I feel so upset and betrayed that I actually took my online profile down just to chill-out on this whole dating game for awhile.  Yeah, my heart feels broken.  Yeah, I feel stupid.  How could I get it so wrong?  Were there signs I needed to watch out for?  The really pathetic part is that I still jump on my phone every time it rings.  Even now–4 days of silence later–I am still hoping that I will find out he was kidnapped by terrorists and has been held hostage in a basement somewhere, still longing for me but not knowing how to reach me. This is ridiculous.   I have to face up to the truth.  I have been dumped and it really, really sucks.  xo J.

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